Saturday, October 23, 2010

Results are in or is the chad hanging on???

Pierce will help me, he is quite technically inclined....or not at all, he had locked this computer up several times beating the keys into submission. You are seeing my parenting skills as I let the children climb tables and run rampant, what you don't see is that the dog is probably eating off the kitchen counter and cleaning the old dishes, be forewarned if you eat over. This is just so cost effective in a recession since we have let the maid go after more than 10 years. I am waiting patiently for the children to become of age where they can scrub a toilet...this is of course why I gave birth to my 2 little domestics.

Drum roll please....
So my result are in and so far FAVORABLE, yet there is some doubt that the lesion was not sampled. I was told I can believe the results for 3 months until I am seen again. There is a consult on Monday with another doctor that may shed some more light on this. I do feel I have wasted my minds time why thinking about this for over 2 weeks now. I know know that what will be will be and will present itself in time. I am not really a passivist but more of a surrender right now. One gets tired pondering possibilities that may be negative. I am wholeheartedly a believer of dreaming about what ifs of winning the lottery... this is not futile, one must be prepared. Claim it and put in in a trust to help defer the tax issues and scoundrels.
I do need to tell of a revelation, Ray upon hearing the good news says we must lead a healthier lifestyle have out antioxidants, drink less....WHAT, I say, I feel now I must drink the expensive wine and live more fully... this is all we have got.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

A fly on the wall....

This is what my world looks like when I am not seen. I feel like I am in a Scrooge movie where you see what happens when your not around.....but I am, so its not a fair assessment. I see the gloomy day out here in San Diego. The dog Kona rests easy since life is clearly so hard, all she did last night was shit throughout the living room..."ahhh I must rest to attack the new rug again tonight"., she thinks. Pierce is involved in toys of a small sort which I am certain he is not to have since they are choking hazards to a 1 yr old yet they taste like delicious plastic to be tried later. Byron must rest his weary head on his batman toy to watch " how to train a dragon". I think he is taking mental notes since dragons are everywhere. I will tell him he can keep it if he can catch one, I will not break his spirit or sense of adventure and he should know he can do anything, I will not say no. we do all know that is not really true.

I am still waiting my results and feel so at peace that its already known..weird that I am so okay with this. I am finding me along this" waiting path". I like me, I do. I feel my character is strong and I won't be too ashamed that I am not strong allthe time..but I will maybe alittle.

I will keep you posted.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Pain in my neck...

This is my pain in my ass yet it is residing in my neck. I had my biopsy today they did an aspiration 4 times, but now I feel worse for wear. I will have results maybe 7-10 days, boy, that seems so long.
I am disillusioned that 2 medical opinions can differ so much between highly suspicious and low thresh hold for malignancy. I was quite displeased with the specialist today, can you believe she did not hold us ultrasonographers in the highest regards???? What you say? It was true. I too was taken aback. I had propped myself up on the exam table and felt it was my pedestal, as a member of the medical team, yet to my surprise she squashed my spirit. I am afraid she doesn't know that great work we do. We are phenomenal detectives. I can smell pathology like rotten fruit...similar to a bat...say batwomen.
Well I must put my little spidermen to bed and brag about my super powers later.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Do I look good on a cellular level?

Well I sit and wonder if just a sampling of tissue can change a future or can it just change my mind? I have a biopsy coming up and I have already resigned myself that I know they outcome. I am oddly at peace maybe it means it will be negative or have I just become accustom to the result. Time will tell. I always have felt I sense things and I believe it makes my life what it is. For the good I must say. My spirit feels connect to something big but My job makes it difficult to have too much emotion before a final answer, highly suggestive is a result or is it? I am okay no matter what, I know me this well already. I think of myself as a non alarmist, really, I do. I am just outspoken. well lets not search my attributes to closely.

I took a photo of myself the other day and looked at myself like I didn't know this person, I forgot I have green eyes and that I now have wrinkles starting to show on my road map.I am growing older, when did this happen? Oh I am a mom, I know Feb 20th when Byron my first was born then the next age accelerate occured June 3rd this last year.
I do recognize the women in this goodnight kiss photo its a person that looks beautiful when she is holding her baby.He is just starting to weight too much for me to hold infront of my face.

I will keep you all posted this coming week. I am fine, I promise.